Theater of the Rose

Jan17

Letters to Rafe [9 Months]

Posted at 1:15 PM • No Comments

Dear Rafe,

These past few months since I’ve returned to work have been a blur. Sometimes I am sad that I don’t get to see you all day, to see the new milestones you learn and discover. I am so lucky to have Grandma around to watch you during the day, she sends me texts and pictures of the things you do. I can’t believe how much you’ve grown, you’re turning into a little boy so fast.

You love to try new foods now, anything that we are eating you try to grab for and put in your mouth. You won’t even let us spoon feed you puréed food anymore, you smack the spoon away. I’ve been giving you solids in small pieces for you to chew and you love it. You will eat almost anything I give you as long as it is not a purée. You’re up to four teeth now so I guess you know you are ready for chunkier foods. I love your toothy little grin, but teething has been hard on you.

You have been trying so hard to walk, standing and walking along all of the furniture. I can’t wait for you to take your first steps and become a walker instead of a crawler! It’s going to be such an exciting milestone in your life. I so hope that I will be there for your first step.

You have the happiest demeanor, always smiling and laughing at me. My wish for you is that you maintain this wonderful outlook on life and carry it throughout. It will be very useful in navigating this crazy world we live in.

Now, if you would only sleep through the night, that would be wonderful. Mommy is tired from working and going to school.

Dec27

Merry Christmas! [2012]

Posted at 11:59 PM • No Comments

Another year comes to a close already! 2012 has been pretty good to me. Rafe joined our family, which is by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I also graduated from college with a 4.0! I’m so proud of the many things I’ve accomplished this year. As the year comes to an end, I’d like to wish all of you a wonderful holiday and a Happy New year! Thank you for all your support and I look forward to blogging more in 2013.

Dec17

The Safe Chemicals Act

Posted at 12:30 PM • No Comments

Safe and healthy sustainable living is a cause near and dear to my heart. I have battled cancer twice in my life and it was not easy by any means. I many times said that I wouldn’t wish this fate upon my worst enemy. It was traumatizing and draining both physically and mentally. All I kept saying to myself was, “Why me? What did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? I’m young and healthy and fit.” Unfortunately, there are thousands of young people in this country saying this same thing every year. We need to do something about it. I think one of the best starts is to get rid of some of these dangerous chemicals that cause mutations and disease.

Hmm, what chemicals are in this tree?

Senator Frank Lautenberg has introduced the Safe Chemicals Act, a bill that would put common sense limits on toxic chemicals. Partnership, hard work, and commitment to protecting the health of American families can drive this bill forward in 2012. We need to push Congress to vote for the Safe Chemicals Act in 2012 for the safety of our children, ourselves, our planet, our future. We need to have an awakening to the harsh reality of what these chemicals are doing to us.

Please support Senator Launtenberg’s bill and contact your senators today. Let your voices be heard, we want a safer environment for our children and their children. I certainly believe this is the best start in the real battle against cancer. Vote with your dollars as well, choose natural and organic products for your family. The skin is the largest organ of the body, it is porous and susceptible to anything it is exposed to, including shampoos, lotions, soaps, and makeup.

Love your body, let your voice be heard now! We can do this if we all work together.

Dec2

Baby’s First Halloween {2012}

Posted at 11:06 PM • No Comments

I love Halloween! It’s my favorite holiday of all by far. Every year since I’ve graduated high school I have dressed up and celebrated with friends. I even have a running theme, I dress up as a different type of vampire each year. So naturally, I was super psyched to share it with my baby for the first time. I took off of work and planned out our costumes and our day. We were going to take him out trick or treating, then after his bedtime my parents were going to watch him so we could go out with friends. Unfortunately, Hurricane Sandy had other plans. Sandy hit right before Halloween, destroying many nearby towns, so Halloween across the state of NJ was cancelled. I was bummed, but what could anyone do really…mother nature isn’t a happy camper lately. At least we were ok right? The governor rescheduled Trick or Treating for November 5th, so that is when we finally got to take Rafe out in his costume. I didn’t end up dressing up, I figured I will save it for next year. It was such a cold, blustery day November 5th, so we only took him around to a few houses just to get into the spirit and get some pictures of his first Halloween(and so mommy could get some free candy of course). He loved going out and trick or treating with the other neighborhood kids. I can’t wait until next year when he will be walking and talking, it will be so much more fun!

Nov25

My Yoga Practice

Posted at 11:02 PM • No Comments

I have now been attending yoga classes for almost two years! I can’t believe how fast time flies. I had written My Foray into Yoga last January. I have been so happy with yoga and what it has done for my health and sanity. I learned so many poses I’d never in a million years thought that I’d be able to do. In the past year I have learned how to do handstand(against the wall), wheel, pigeon, crow, and king pigeon, and those are just a few examples.

I took prenatal yoga classes throughout my pregnancy with Rafe. They helped me tremendously to prepare for birthing a baby. I attended no childbirthing classes at all, just yoga and reading Ina May. My OB said I was one of his best patients ever. I came in, labored a little while, hit 9cm, he came in, I pushed a few times and that was it! It was such an easy(if you could call it that) delivery. I attribute my healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery partially to my yoga.

The people in the yoga community are so amazing, they inspire me on a daily basis. I’ve never met a group of people so warm, friendly, and genuinely generous. It’s just so nice to be around peaceful, positive folks when the rest of the world seems so angry and chaotic, you know? It has taught me how to breathe, how to be present, calm, and grateful. I think yoga may have very well saved my life! I can’t imagine my life now without my yoga practice. It’s hard to find the time to go to class with the baby at home, but I try to go once a week at least to keep up with my practice. I highly recommend any type of yoga for everyone at any age to try. I would recommend starting with a beginner’s class in a studio setting just so you learn proper posture and techniques before doing it at home though. I can’t help but think that the world would be a better place if everyone had a yoga/meditation practice.

Nov5

Hurricane Sandy: The Aftermath

Posted at 10:56 PM • No Comments

Let me begin by saying this: I really am not fond of New Jersey. I have lived here my whole life, and I can’t wait until I have a chance to make my way to another state. It’s overpriced, polluted, crowded, noisy, and the people are mostly rude and always in a hurry. In spite of all these things, the garden state will of course always have a special place in my heart because it is where I grew up and have lived all of my adult life so far. It’s where I met my fiance, my best friend, and where my son was born. It’s where much of my family resides. The pizza is great, the diversity is nice, and it is close to NYC(where my favorite Chinatown is). And this state was hit hard on October 29, 2012, by a hurricane called Sandy.

I am writing this from my generator powered laptop, since we are heading into Day 8 now without power. But we were the lucky ones, the loss of power and the minor damages we incurred were nothing compared to some of my neighbors and local businesses. The restaurant that hosted my baby shower just a few months ago is now completely destroyed. It’s amazing to me the amount of devastation this storm caused. This was the likes of something that New Jersey has never seen. I have seen people really come together during this rough time. We will rally and recover, of course. I am however, concerned that people haven’t been taking global warming seriously. Yes, it may happen eventually anyway. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to accelerate the rate at which it is happening. This superstorm is just one of many extreme weather occurrences we’ve seen recently on Earth.

I hope everyone takes away an important lesson from the very frightening storms that have been occurring recently. We need to take better care of each other and our mother Earth. We have one beautiful planet to live on, and I do believe in Karma and you reap what you sow. My wish for this world, and my son’s future, is that people start putting people over profits. Money will not save our health and the health of this world we inhabit. Material goods can always be replaced, but lives cannot. I know we need some money to live off of, but there is far too much greed imbued into our culture now at this point. This storm showed us how all your material possessions can be taken away in the blink of an eye. We should have more respect for the Earth, for it gives and takes without discretion.

Oct28

15 Years later, a Survivor

Posted at 8:26 PM • No Comments

Happy Birthday to me! October is a special month for me, as it is my second birthday, the anniversary of my autologous stem cell transplant. Something many people do not like to talk about is their medical history. I used to feel the same way, it’s almost terrifying to think that you are different, that there was something wrong with you. In my younger years, I used to pretend that nothing had ever happened to me, that I was as normal as every one of my peers. But, your past has a way of following you around, and it reared it’s ugly head again right in the beginning of my 21st year. I had cancer. It was to me, the worst diagnosis one could ever receive. It meant being ill again, losing my hair again, not being able to have a normal life yet again. The first time, I was 16, and I did not yet have a job or any real responsibility. It was much easier for me to just be out of school and have some homeschooling while I went through my treatment. This time was going to be different. I had a car payment, I had bills, I was in college, I had a job, and a relationship. This time, I had to walk away from everything I had started to build as my whole life came crumbling down around me. I had hoped that I could retain some semblance of a normal 20 year old life, but that didn’t happen. I spent my 21st birthday vomiting, but it wasn’t from a night of drinking like the average 21 year old birthday celebration. I ended up spiraling downward faster than I could blink after I finished my final chemotherapy treatments and my stem cell transplant that October. I would go on to be on a ventilator, in a coma, and hospitalized for 3 months straight.

When I was awakened from my coma, I was surprised by my complete paralysis from muscle atrophy. I cannot even begin to explain how it felt. I had to be fed, changed, and sponge bathed. It was painful to try to move, and I had become so sickly thin from muscle atrophy and weight loss. My parents carried me home, literally, right before Christmas. It would take 3 months of therapy for me to learn how to walk again, and I don’t know how long it took for me to feel normal again. Years I think. It was 4 years before I was able to start working at my job again.

But here I sit, 11 years later, to tell my tale. My message to everyone out there who is battling cancer right now. Don’t give up. Ever. It was the hardest battle I’d ever fought in my life, but the one most worth the fight. I know more people now than ever before who are battling this condition, and I feel for them, because I was once there too, and I know the horrors of the treatments that they are given with the promise of a big ‘maybe you will survive this.’ I am grateful to myself for never giving up, for my family and friends for always being there for me, and to my doctors and nurses, who saved my life.

This year, I have graduated college, given birth to my adorable son, and am soon to be wed to my amazing fiance. I finally feel like my life is starting to go in the direction it was intended to. Happy Birthday to me, indeed.

Sep27

My New Life Mantra: Unplug, De-clutter, Simplify

Posted at 11:39 PM • No Comments

Since becoming a mother has stripped me of all that precious free time that I used to have, I decided that my life needs another overhaul. I had the pre-baby overhaul: switching to more organic food, becoming a devout yogi and pescetarian, exercising regularly, reading the baby books, watching less television, playing less video games, etc. Now my schedule needs further trimming to allow me lead a sane, happy life.

I started by going through my wardrobe and donating a lot of my clothes that I really no longer need. I have accumulated so many things over the years it was starting to suffocate me physically and mentally. I looked to the advice of William Morris who said, “If you want a golden rule that will fit everybody, this is it: Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” I took this as love it or leave it. If I don’t absolutely love the item in question, then I should part with it. I got rid of about 50% of my wardrobe via this method. It actually felt pretty good to purge everything out of my closet, and the things I parted with found their way to new homes.

I found this in an article on one of my favorite websites, Mind Body Green, it is a list of ways to simplify your life:
Popular culture: Watch, play, and listen less; don’t buy stuff you don’t need; don’t believe anything it tells you; don’t care too much about it
Technology: Opt out, delete, uninstall, don’t update, don’t click, don’t save, don’t friend, follow, or like, disconnect, unplug
Your world: Throw out, empty, clear, sell, donate, give away, reuse, recycle, reduce
Time: Un-schedule, don’t plan, don’t over-commit, say no, do nothing, slow down, take off your watch, be spontaneous
Your social life: Be selective, choose quality over quantity, spend time alone
Your mind: Clarify, prioritize, simplify, tune in, zone out, read, meditate
Your body: Eat nutritiously and in small portions, exercise frequently, go outside, relax often, nap regularly, go to sleep early

I am far from perfect with this list of course, but I work at it a little at a time. The technology part will be hardest I think, it’s a weak spot for me. I need more peace in my life, I think we could all use that. Here’s to my new calm, organized, simplified life!

Sep19

My Favorite Products for Breastfeeding

Posted at 1:18 AM • 2 Comments

I knew from the beginning that I would exclusively breastfeed Rafe. I didn’t have a second thought about it, no matter how hard it would be, I would make it work. It was a difficult experience at first, but now we are smooth sailing. I have compiled a list of a few products that really helped make my breastfeeding experience better and easier for the two of us.

1. Luna Lullaby Bosom Baby Nursing Pillow

This is the best nursing pillow ever. Period. I bought it early on in my pregnancy and used it as a pregnancy support pillow for sleeping, then took it to the hospital with us and slept on it and used it to nurse Rafe in the hospital. It makes a great comfy support pillow when you are no longer in need of it for breastfeeding. It is lightweight yet sturdy, and the L shape makes it multifunctional. I received a Boppy at my baby shower and I kept it as a backup and use it as a tummy time and support pillow for Rafe. It’s just too small and soft for me to use for breastfeeding. The Bosom Baby was well worth the money and I’m sure we will get years of use out of it. Watch for it on Zulily for a discount.

2. Medela Freestyle Breast Pump

One of the most important purchases I made was this breast pump. As a working mom, it’s a necessity to pump and freeze milk so that others can feed your baby. In my case, Rafe’s grandma watches him while we work so I have to make sure she has plenty of milk to feed him, and this pump makes it quick and easy. It’s worth the cost of this pump for the convenience and ease of use. I can go pump in ten minutes at work to keep up my milk production. I bought the Quick Clean Breastpump and Accessory Wipes to make cleaning the pump parts on the go easier, and they work very well.

3. Honeysuckle Breast Milk Storage Bags

These bags are the best I’ve found so far for storing my expressed milk in the freezer. The bags are soft and seal very well. They are also biodegradable and BPA free, which is important to me, because I do care about the environment as much as my family. They can be laid down in the freezer as well without leaks. I tried the Medela bags that came with my pump, but they just weren’t as nice. The Honeysuckle bags are very well designed and you won’t regret giving them a try. They even have a nice layout for writing baby’s name if you send your baby to daycare.

4.Earth Mama-Angel Baby Natural Nipple Butter

This nipple butter is amazing. It’s made with all natural organic oils, and it smells fantastic. It’s completely safe for the baby to ingest which is the most important thing for me when I was considering what products to purchase. It has no lanolin, so there is no need to keep wiping it off in between feedings. This plant-based nipple cream combines organic cocoa butter, shea butter, olive oil, and organic wound-healing calendula to help protect and soften irritated skin. Natural Nipple Butter rates a 0 for toxicity, so it’s safe to apply before and after you breastfeed. And this butter can double as a balm for chapped lips or elbows for the whole family so it has multiple uses.

5.Earth Mama Angel Baby Booby Tubes

Booby tubes are a lifesaver for the breastfeeding mama. I used these warm when I’d get clogged milk ducts, you just microwave it for a few seconds and put it in your bra, then massage and repeat. So soothing for those times when you can’t get that clog out. I also used them iced a lot in the beginning for the pain that accompanied breastfeeding until my body got used to it. The combo of these and the nipple butter really saved me from a lot of discomfort along the way, and they are made with a nice soft organic cotton. I highly recommend these for any new mom who is planning to breastfeed.

6.Earth Mama Angel Baby Milkmaid Tea

I used this tea in the beginning to help with my milk production. I felt like I just wasn’t producing enough and it was starting to worry me, as I had heard many stories of moms using formula to supplement due to low milk production. I refused to believe that my body wouldn’t do it’s job properly, so I researched the best foods to eat to help production, and I added this tea to my diet as well. It has a pleasant taste and I think it may have helped me boost my milk production.

I have loved everything I tried so far from Earth Mama Angel Baby. My fiance bought me the Birth and Baby Kit as a gift for my baby shower, and I packed a few things from it into my hospital bag to take with me to Rafe’s birth. I am so grateful that I found them, and that such wonderful companies exist now with organic, safe ingredients for me and my little one.

I love this brand so much, I am giving away a box of Earth Mama’s Milkmaid Tea and a 2 oz container of Earth Mama Natural Nipple Butter for one lucky new mama or mama to be! (ART for both is $21.14) I did not receive these items for free nor am I being compensated for this giveaway, I just love these items so much. Look below for instructions on how to enter.

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Jul30

3 Month Milestones

Posted at 10:16 PM • No Comments

Rafe is three months old already, time really just flies right by. It seems like he’s been here forever though, as if life didn’t exist before him now. Honestly, I can’t imagine life without him since his arrival. I love playing with him every day and seeing all the new things he learns as he grows. And grow he does! At his three month check up he was already up to 14 lbs.

My favorite new milestone of his is laughing! I just melt when I see that smile and hear that adorable giggle. It’s just the cutest thing in the world to me.

Sleeping & Eating

Rafe sleeps through the night generally now, usually from around 10pm to 6am. After his feeding he goes back to sleep until 8 or 9am. During the day he naps here and there, he’s never been a great napper, I can get him to nap 30 to 40 minutes on average, two to three times a day. Once in a while he will sleep a little longer, maybe an hour or two. He eats every three hours still from the breast during the day. At night he can go five to six hours before waking up to eat. It is nice to have him sleeping through the night now since I am going back to work next week.

He loves to go outdoors and go for walks with us, it’s one of his favorite things. Some of his favorite books are Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, Peek-A Who?, Pat the Bunny, Where is Baby’s Mommy?, and Lamaze Cloth Book, Peek-A-Boo Forest.
Sadly, Rafe’s beautiful hair is starting to fall out now. I am curious to see what his hair is going to look like after. It has been getting lighter since he was born and I was just starting to get used to this very light reddish brown wavy hair.

Activities

Every morning after feeding and dressing, I put Rafe in his Fisher-Price Rainforest Activity Gym while I eat breakfast. He stays on the mat much longer now than when he was younger because he is big enough to really engage the toys and grab them.
In the afternoon, Rafe loves his Evenflo ExerSaucer Triple Fun – Jungle now that he can really interact with it and push the buttons and grab objects. He also likes to play in his Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumperoo and Graco Bumper Jumper. He absolutely loves to be moving and standing. He won’t sit still for very long. I also put him in his Fisher-Price Rainforest Bouncer whenever I need a quick break to use the bathroom or fix myself something to eat.

My big boy is trying to sit up now, it’s so funny to watch how he grunts and crunches his abdominals trying to get there. He seems to like tummy time a lot more now that it isn’t so hard for him to hold his head up for long periods of time.

I can’t imagine leaving my precious little guy to go back to working full time. It saddens me that we don’t have better maternity leave laws in this country. At least he will be with my mom while I work, so I know he will be well taken care of. I just know that I have to keep working towards my goal to be able to work from home for my son. I will get there.